5. “Losing your save file” (The Hajj Journal)

September 11, 2015

The more I think about it, the more I worry about my sincerity. I worry about losing my intention for Hajj. I worry about over-questioning the rites of Hajj. I think about the mistakes I’ve made since I became a Muslim… I worry that all of the things I’ve worked hard to do to please God, all of them have been annulled because of a stupid thing I did or said. I mean, I get frustrated and distraught when I lose a save file on a game—all those hours of progress lost. Imagine seeing an entire life being lost in the same way. As if nothing you ever did matters. God protect us.

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Much Ado About Death

Dead roses in a vase

 

I remember the first time death touched my life.

It was my seventh or eighth birthday when Stevie, the family cat, died. Prior to that, death was just a minor inconvenience in a video game, or something that happened in movies. I knew what death was, but I didn’t fully grasp what it meant until that day. I lay in bed crying because I had finally realized the finality of death: Stevie was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.

Death came into my life many times after that.

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